[hollyhunter]

Yeah, I hope this thread keeps going as people, reguardless of their circumstances, just trying to see the bigger picture and walk away having benefited from the experience. Give more ground to healing, ya know? I want to define myself as me first, acknowlege I lost something, of course, but it isn't all that I am. Once someone asked someone on the chat if she was a birthmom and she replies, "yes, and more". I hang onto that.

Liz,
The comment about leftovers, loved it! I have been thinking of anger in those terms sort of vaguely but you really put it in words that made me laugh. Good not to take ourselves so seriously. As far as wanting people to change, you'r right, we can't change them, we can only change ourselves. Your mom has an "image" she wants to present. Maybe like me, she needed to go be "someone else" after she lost you, then got wrapped up in her pretending. She wants to be someone who don't make mistakes.We all make "mistakes". She is only hiding the truth from herself, a bigger mistake. She has closed herself off from the love that your being might have presented her as she continues denying her heart. About forgiveness, letting go is another way to say "I forgive". Throw out the leftovers! We don't have to excuse the person that caused us pain but we do let go of the pain/anger if we can. Don't let your mom's response fool you, God meant you to be here, like one of those pebbles that the devil tries to rearrange.