Hope you moms don't mind an adoptee butting into this discussion. I don't have this book- but I'm working on getting it. So far I've been to 3 bookstores and they were all out of the book. I thought to myself....... it was that dang Adoption Forum's fault- there's been a run on the book!! LOL But I'll get it soon.
I've been reading this discussion with great interest, and I think you all are helping me. Anger at my b-mom's inability to let me into her life and her still keeping me a secret after 5 years had been getting the best of me recently.
I wanted to "get back at her" by doing something like calling my brother and sisters or aunts, or sending pictures of me and my family to the siblings or something like that. (But I didn't b/c I promised her I wouldn't.)
But then I started thinking about love and forgiveness....and grace. Because "revenge" doesn't end anyone's pain, heal people or reconcile relationships- but love and grace can and does. It's love and forgiveness over "justice".
Now if I choose this route to try to accept, forgive and continue to love my mom......I know it probably won't make her change......but I will have changed and I will be able to have peace with the situation.
That's not easy to do.............but it can be done. (However, it will be hard work.)
I recently finished a book called "If Grace is True" (Why God Will Save Every Person) by Philip Gulley and James Mulholland. It had ALOT of these concepts in it, and it was a very powerful and comforting book for me.
Hollyhunter-good question about left over anger. I think that anger is like those nasty leftovers most of us have in our fridge. You go in there, take it out, look at it smell it, and realize it stinks.......so you throw it down the disposal.........or you just stick it back in the fridge. It's up to us.
LIZ