|
Wishfulthinker, I can relate to a lot of your post. I had a closed/sealed adoption as well, and for most of my life have known next to nothing about my bio family. I know what it's like to write "unknown" over the family history page at the doctor, to not know anything about my ancestry or about why I was placed, etc., etc.
I also know what it's like to be angry that I was not allowed to know the basics of who I was born to, where I came from, who I am genetically. Yet some random stranger at the other end of the phone had access to all that information. Why are closed-era adoptees automatically treated like potential stalkers? (I guess at some point I just had to decide not to be angry anymore, that it wasn't so productive, and I had to focus on what I could do given the way things are.)
That is certainly heartbreaking that both your bio parents wrote to the agency wanting you back. My heart goes out to you and to them.
Personally, my search was long and frustrating (about 8-9 years, all together). I went through a succession of social workers at the agency, each with a different idea about what bits and pieces of information they could give me. Finally I asked for, and was able to get, actual photocopies of my file (with all "identifying" information taken out). That gave me enough clues that I was able to figure out my birth parents' names.
There are most definitely losses involved in adoption, and some of the stories can be sad. My bio mother's story, and the reason she decided to place me (definitely not her first choice) is very sad to me.
These are all challenges that we as adoptees have to face, and sometimes they can seem really unfair. But (to tie back in to the topic of this thread) the fact that you or I have these challenges to deal with in our lives doesn't necessarily make us "wounded" or "damaged" by the fact of our adoption.
Anyway, just my take on it.
|