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You asked, so here goes...
I realize that everything in life is subjective and adoption also affects everyone differently, but here's my personal take on it...The reason that I said that adoption is "hard to take" is because for me I have spent my life wondering about my bmom and my genetic heritage (nationality, lineage). As a child, the whole family tree project would upset and confuse me, actually family trees still have that affect on me. Don't get me wrong, my parents were wonderful and I love them to the end of the earth and back. But these feelings really don't have anything to do with them. Growing up I would wonder why my bmom gave me away. Did she love me? How could she have given me away? I always thought that my bdad just took off and left her after getting her pregnant, or maybe I'm the result of a one night stand. I always understood that my adoption was closed and therefore I just figured that there was no possibility of ever finding my bparents.
Adoption is still hard to take. My curiousity and the feeling of needing to know just grew stronger and stronger, especially after having my own children. My dad once attempted to start a search for me, as I was busy with my kids and going to college, etc. (No one will ever understand me as well as my dad, God love him.) But he didn't get very far and soon after that suffered in an accident and died. That was 6 years ago. I went on with life, still having thoughts and yearnings about my bparents. I sent my consent for contact to the agency and registered with a couple of registries and still figured that the only way I could ever find my bmom would be if she did the same.
At the beginning of this past summer, I spent a great deal of time online and in contact with the adoption agency. I realized that it actually was possible to find my bmom. I found out that she actually named me and discovered what my original name was. That was hard to take. I also found out that the non-id info was so much more than the background info my parents were given, so I sent for it. It was a little like pulling teeth getting it, but last week I finally did receive it. The social worker explained that my bmom wrote to the agency shortly after I was born wanting me back. She said she couldn't stop thinking about me. My bdad also wrote and tried to get me back. Wow - that was really hard to take. Now I've really starting wondering about my bdad as well. That just makes me want to find them both so much more. And to top it off, the response to my bparents' letter was that the social worker wrote back and said that the relinquishment could not be reversed and she should see a counselor to help her get through this "period" - as if there's some sort of time frame for a mother to get over the loss of her baby and to be told she cannot get her back. That had to be really hard to take.
For the past few months it has really hit me hard that I am not entitled to my own personal information. When I asked for a copy of the letters my bparents wrote, I was told I cannot have them because my case file is "sealed". Yet, the social worker at the other end of the phone had them in her hand as I spoke to her. Apparently I am only able to have the cliff's notes version of my personal information.
Obviously, the "system" knows that searches are done and bfamilies are being found every day, yet they will not open the records for us. I suppose they would rather have us spend a lot of money, time and emotional energy, have us chasing our tails and become obsessed with searching for our own bparents.
All of this is hard to take. There are so many emotions that I've been dealing with all of my life and even more now while searching - curiousity, sadness, rejection, anger, frustration, etc. I could go on and on.
I hope this answers your question somewhat. I know this reply is lengthy and I apologize for that. There are just soooo many things that are hard to take with adoption.
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