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Originally Posted by portlowski
A year and a half ago I wrestled with this exact same issue. My son's bmom posted his pictures on her facebook page along with comments that implied to those who don't know her well that she was parenting our son. Like in interests she wrote "hanging out with my son." Despite my discomfort, I didn't say anything. I realized that as long as she didn't post his name (she didn't) or personal information there was no way anyone would be able to track him down. It was probably "safer" for her to post the pictures than for me to do so since he doesn't live with her.
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This is always a weird thing for me....now I don't post anywhere where people might not know about the adoption (only on my all adoption Myspace that has like 12 friends all from here!) BUT were I to do so, I wouldn't write, "hanging out with my placed daughter Cupcake." Outing yourself as a firstmom is a HUGE deal. You never know what reaction you're going to get and it's one of the scariest things I've ever done.
SO, say most of my friends know about the adoption and a few here and there don't, but I don't ever see them in person and we aren't really FRIEND friends, I wouldn't clarify my firstmom status in a picture caption for example. That would just seem weird to me. It really takes your control away too. Telling people is so super personal....
So I totally hear where you're coming from, but I have never met a firstmom that refers to their child as "my son" or "my daughter" in order to pretend that they're parenting or to create the illusion to others that that's the case.
Just wanted to give you a view of what *might* be going on on her side
