[Lilacsandroses]

I received an email several weeks ago from her saying i was no longer welcome to communicate with her. (She finally found me 3 years ago, 1st year started out high on the "ride", everything was great, 2nd year getting closer and closer to a F2F, 3rd year...then had a sudden and dizzy-ing fall down into the pits of no answers from her for months and months up to the fateful message from her...) I spoke to a friend of mine who happens to be a birthmom too, let her read the actual message, and she suggested that I just go with it, that I don't need that kind of poisonous relationship. And I know that I will be open to communication with my bdaughter in the future, so if there is contact again and its better then, I'll go along with it at that time. Meantime though...TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY and since she first contacted me I have made sure to do SOMETHING in recognition of it...flowers, card, gift...something. This time I couldn't bring myself to send a gift, or flowers, or anything, and I've already started and erased 3 emails because the first one WAS poisoned, the second was too short and therefore seemed just as mean, and on the third one I only got a few words into and just couldn't go on and came here... I don't want to be a zombie here at work, but if I don't talk about this, I'm gonna be useless today!