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FYI--I am not cavalier about bonding or RAD--if a child didn't bond with foster parents, they are not doing their job very well, are they? RAD happens when a child is NOT nurtured in the early years and learns to NOT trust adults. A healthy, bonded five-month old can be transitioned to an adoptive home.
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wow. while this is usually true....it is not always. biological parents of children they care for since birth who are attentive can still have children with attachment disorders. children that are cared for since birth appropriately and transitioned lovingly at a young age can still form attachment disorders. a.d. do not only come from unattentive parents not doing their job. sometimes they also come from loss and hurt a child suffers- as in when they lose their primary caregiver (like foster parents, birth parents, or both). sometimes it can not be explained. will every child experience this as a result of loss? no. but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. RAD is serious...once a child has developed it, no amount of finger pointing will cure it.
as far as getting babies in a sneaky back door kind of way.....um, i have this theory that i developed while caring for other people's children. you can have every intention in the world of only fostering a child....and then somehow, that child buries their way into your heart. in every emotional sense of the word, that child becomes yours. why? because that is how God designed parents...i think particularly mothers. it is very natural to want to continue to care for children that have been placed in your home. it is not JUST about them being cute and being a baby...trust me. when i changed my mind and decided to adopt my foster kids...that were on the adoption path, ready for adoption fairs, and had families with homestudies already interested when i was a foster only family....they were FAR from cute and FAR from little. i don't think i was being sneaky.....any one of those families could have fostered them first.....and back door? when everyone knows where the back door is, everyone knows how to use it, and everyone has equal access to it, it is just called an entrance. i think there are plenty of families that want to be adoptive only....i respect that, but they've got to know they are going to wait. in my old county, they actually told adoptive only families that....foster families typically have priority, if you want a younger baby, you have to be willing to foster first.