|
Hi,
I'm new here, but saw your post and thought it was very interesting as I've also always wondered the reactions other get.
I should mention, I was adopted from Mauritius, so am brown skinned, while my adoptive parents are both European from Scotland and the Netherlands so fair skinned. I also have 2 brothers who are biological to my aparents.
As an interracial adoptee it is very clear that I am adopted when people meet both of my aparents, however, simply because my mother tended to be around more often when friends were around, many of my friends simply assumed my father was dark skinned, like myself. I've never felt it was necessary to mention my adoption and have also partically wondered that if I did, how I would be viewed, I am proud to say I am now over this and am happy to talk to people about my adoption, however still find some people to be very blunt and not very sensitive about the subject when I talk about it.
I could not believe upon reading one response in particular that someone would decide against marrying someone purely from finding out they were adopted. It's an incredibly sad thought, for both parties.
Personally, when my adoption comes up (often by friends within a conversation, which I also find interesting) many people say "I'm sorry". My response is often "why sorry? I was very lucky to be adopted into a very loving and caring family". Which ususally stubs them.
I am open about my adoption, as are my aparents, perhaps a little more than I am which can also be a little strange for me. But at the same time, I am proud to be adopted and am always willing to share my stories with people as I find that many simply want to understand it and don't mean much by it, although they may ask incredibly personal questions.
When I was younger I was very guarded with my adoption as I saw it as a personal thing and more importantly I felt like by others mentioning it they saw that I wasn't "really" part of my afamily, which is all I have known and felt part of.
I think now though that because I am very open about my adoption some of my friends feel like they can say anything and sometimes it is not appropriate. One of my friends and I were having a bit of fun calling each other names one day (as we do) and then she said "you should go back to Mauritius", which I found quite hurtful as I was adopted as a baby and have lived all my life in Australia, so am Australian and Feel more Australian than I do any other nationality. I understood that she meant it as a joke as we were joking around but it was still hurtful and so it's taught me to be a bit more careful with talking about adoption and how I talk about my adoption.
I don't think people need to know you're adopted unless you Feel they do. Obviously if it's apparent, like in my situtation, it's a little bit harder to hide but regardless, if you don't want to talk about it then don't. People should understand that it might be hard to talk about or it's simply too personal to share with every Tom, Dick and Harry. But if you Do choose to tell people with your adoption and they choose not to welcome it then you are better off without them in your life and they are missing out on creating perhaps a great new relationship.
|