[Stormster]

Ugh I'm so sorry. I thought my mother was bad! A lot of your story resonated with me. I was my mother's caretaker as well and she was the most UN maternal human being in the world. She told me NEVER to have children and that if she could do her life over she also wouldn't have had me or my two sibs. She was possessive over my dad and jealous that we loved him. She said weird things, was kind of inappropriate bordering on other stuff....was never near the mother my friends had. Never helped with homework, never played with me ugh ugh ugh. She never made me breakfast! I was in first grade dressing myself, feeding myself, finding my way to the bus stop.

One day she fell down the steps and died (about 6 years ago). I'm not kidding. I cried so hard I thought I would drown for a few months but then I started healing....like really fast. I never miss her now because my life is DS and she didn't even want me to have kids! I'm GLAD she's not around to criticize our OA, to comment, to reject me when I least expect it. I feel I have a life for the first time. Isnt' that sad? I'm not glad she died or anything but I can tell you my brother who has suffered from horrible mental illness has never been better.

You do need to be sure what you want. And then you have to accept in your heart that you are NOT doing it to get a reaction from her. Personally from everything you described I suspect it may be the best decision you ever make. We can live better without toxic people in our lives even if they are our "mothers"

Good luck. I wish you the BEST. PS You'll also be setting a GREAT example for your daughter in that you demand respect from people (for you and for her)