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Originally Posted by Robbin
My hubby and I went into foster care ONLY wanting to foster. We both agreed no adoptions. Hubby compared us to a garage. They'll come in, we'll "tune" them up, and they'll move on. Both of us totally agreed to that. We fostered for several years, numerous children, some returned to family, some adopted. That was all we ever intended.
HOWEVER, when our foster son went up for adoption, we both said, "NO, we want him". It was not planned or intended. It came from our hearts. It was not a back door way to adopt. You cannot control what your heart does.
The "contract" is not as simple as I will do this, the agency will do that. You cannot forget how love enters into this equation. Foster parents, are by definition IMO, willing to open their hearts to loving children not theirs by birth, and there is always the "risk" that they will fall in love with the baby/toddler/child and not want them to leave.
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In your case he came up for adoption--and you said yes. That is wonderful, I am very happy for your ds and for you. You always had the option to adopt, just chose not to do that.
In this case, the child is not available for adoption by the OP--that was clear at the beginning, there was no confusion, there was a plan in place. Bparent or adoptive family. No multiple moves, no "bouncing around the system". OP did not come into this situation as a possible adoptive home--by their choice.
The family changed their minds. They did not keep their word--and are now using the "child is bonded to us, knows only us" argument. Hello, that was the plan, that the child should only have this one placement until ru with bparent or transition to adoptive home.
Foster parents know they love children-why else would they do this? "Falling in love" with a child is not a good reason to not keep your word, not support the social services plan/goal. If we just go with the foster parent's emotions in every situation, how can this support system for the birth families work/survive? Every child placed in to care would lose their birthfamily and be adopted by the foster family.
I think it's a sneaky, backhanded way to get a baby. Promise to do the temp thing, and then change your mind, claim "bonded" and concerns about RAD. I have concerns about people who would do something like this.