[Jennasmom1990]

Gosh...now that I started this thread I don't even know where to begin with it!

Let me just start out by saying that this thread is not so much adoption related as it is a rant about the horrible relationship I have with my mother.

I have never really had a good relationship with my mom, probably the best it ever was was right after I gave birth to the daughter that I am parenting.

She has been married and divorced 7 times, she had an abusive alkie father who sexually molested her. I know her childhood was very rough. On the same note she kind of choce that same childhood for me as well. I too was sexually molested by a step-father, and she had many one-night stands in a drunken stupor. I was never really abused per say...more like I was simply neglected.

I was often pushed aside for her favorite flavor of the week, month or year which ever it happened to be. I hhave a sister that is 7 years younger then me that I pretty much raised from the time she was 10. I spent many nights of my teen years babysitting either my sister or nursing my mom through her latest heartbreak.

I did not have it easy during my childhood, it was actually very hard. She would meet a man that would decide to move and she would up and move us as well. I have lived in so many different places it is crazy. I was never offered any stability, love or compassions as I was growing up.

It really is no wonder that I too saught out an abusive guy to decide to have a baby with. It is also no wonder that I ended up pregnant at 17, the only difference is I was pushed into giving my baby up. My mom was one of the people that helped to put a lot of pressure on me to place my daughter.

I never understood that!!! Why was it ok for her to have and parent me, but she didnt want me to parent my own child. One thing that she said to me was...Let me tell you, Casandra, being a single mom is not living it is existing. When you are a single parent you never really know what it means to live you simply exist for yourself and your children.

Her saying that was one of the things that has always stuckin my head. Can I tell you that looking back I would have rather had the existence of a single parent than the existence I have had a birthmother? Either way maybe I wold have not ever been living for myself, but at least if I had parented her I would have at least had her.

I guess what has brought me to the point I am at today is...my mom just won't talk to be about my situation with Jenna. She side steps it and tap dances around it, and it is driving me crazy. You know she wasn't even in the delivery room with me when I had her, she hardly came to the hospital at all while I was there, and she when it came time for me to sign the papers she was no where to be seen when the aparents came and sat for about 2 hours pressuring me into signing them.

She just has been so checked out of my life for so long that I fell like it takes too much energy for me to continue to sit on the sidelines of her life patiently waiting for her to give me some playing time. IT HURTS!!! I just want her to love me, I just want her to acknowledge me, and most of all I just want her to treat me like a daughter and not like a casual aquaintence.

When I call her to talk about Jenna or even my life or the children I am raising I get a lot of...can I call you later? or my phone battery is dying, or I can't talk right now b/c (insert every lame excuse you can think of including I am in the middle of vacuuming my floors!) I am confused by what it is that I have done to make her want to treat me like this.

I have put up with so much crap from her throughout my life it is crazy. She recently told me that the only reason she didn't want me to parent Jenna was because...The idea of her granddaughter being raised by total strangers didn't scare her as much as her losing the only care taker she had ever had. Hmmm...notice how I was her care taker...not the other way around?

Here is the recent craziness...

She had been telling me for a year now that no matter what she would come and visit me here at my home this summer. (about 3 years ago she moved to Florida and we moved to Illinois. She grew up here in Illinois, all of her brothers and sisters live here as well. In the last 3 years she has not come to visit me once, yet my husband, children and I have made 2 trips to Florida to see her, and she has made 3 trips to see my step-dad's kids and my sister who all live in PA)

Anyway...she was suppose to come her for my daughter's sweet 16 party on Aug 16th. She promised her and she promised me. About 2 weeks before the party I got the "I can't come" call. She told me that they couldn't afford it, and that she couldn't use the vacation time because she may have to have surgery on her wrist. (she has used that excuse for the past 3 years!) I told her fine I understood even though I didn't. Well come to find out she and my step dad just fly back to FL from PA after a week long vacation with my sister and step-siblings.

I am deeply hurt!!! I want to address this with her, but I know she won't allow me to. My daughter is terribly hurt, and wants nothing more to do with her grandmother. Here is what I need advice on...How do I tell my mom that I no longer wish to have a relationship with her, and not be hurt when she doesn't care?