i hate the "but other people are in line" excuse. we fostered a baby for 3 months. then the state called and said "there were people in line" and this baby would go to one of them. i hate that. i fought it tooth and nail because there was no reason to move him...there was no reason for him to experience another loss....just to satisfy someone in line. they eventually let us adopt our son...and even agreed with us that the less moves a child experienced...even babies...the better. if the system is about what is best for the child, then the line will not matter. when we remove children to give them to people "in line", we are only doing what is best for adults. while i agree that many children do just fine with transitions, i agree more that the less transitions a child has to make, the better off they are. i am such a firm believer that if a child can be adopted by the family that has been caring for them, and that family is appropriate, then that is the best placement.
i would definitely continue to speak to my worker and get details about what is going on...i'd probably also be sure to show up at a few hearings and put in writing that i would want to be considered as an adoptive placement for this child. at the time this happend to me, i was with a private agency, and it definitely helped to speak to both them AND the social worker for the county. it took lots of calls and letters...and lots of challenges and questions.
if in the end, he goes to another family...your attitude is awesome.
if you want to vent, pm me, i'll "listen."