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Originally Posted by dpen6
If any adoptee "needs" to feel grateful they will figure it out for themselves. To be brought up and totally told you "should" feel grateful because ofyou have food and shelter and you almost didn't is in a very subtle way telling that person that you really were less desrving then non adopted peole and don't ever forget whence you came....thats how it could be taken. It makes theshouldars droop a little more.
NOW...you have a very american kid that is starting to be not grateful like all kids do...then its time to tell them they should be grateful for what they have, ALL children need to learn about graitude..its the name of the game...BUT not BECAUSE they are adopted. Like I said, most of us adoptees DO figure that out for ourselves and I was NEVER told to be grateful because I was adopted by my parents. I would get a kick in the pants if I was not grateful for todays blessings. Strangers use to tell me how "lucky" I was and I hated it. It made me feel much smaller as a little one.
No matte what the situaion, at first glance adoption for a child is not something to be grateful .....its intially a great loss of biology that is big. Even if my bio's were attitlla the hun and spouse!(Which they were not)
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I was not saying that I tell my kids that they should be grateful because they are adopted... that was the complete OPPOSITE of my point. We don't raise our kids as "the adopted kids" we just raise them for who they are. I don't attach the gratefulness to the fact that they were adopted. I just want them to grow up aware that there are so many people on this earth who struggle every day just to live. I want them to be compassionate children who grow into compassionate adults. The selfishness of our younger generations seriously concerns me. I want to do what ever I can to make sure that our kids grow up with an awareness that life exists outside of our own home.
Jacob (age 6 1/2) and I have discussed how there are children in other parts of the world who struggle and don't get to go to school like he gets to. We have talked about some of the children in Guatemala who might not have enough food each day. But I DON'T say, "Boy, Jacob you are so lucky we adopted you or else you might have starved! You need to be thankful to US." because I don't believe that! He needs to be thankful to God who provides everything. After all, we are ALL adopted into God's family.
We will all raise our kids differently and I especially appreciate hearing from an adoptee about this issue, but since you don't know how I raise my kids I know it must be difficult to truly see how we deal with this situation just from reading my posts (which have ventured WAYYY away from my original post!)
I am sure that there are families out there who make the mistake of making their children feel that they need to be grateful to them, but I know in my heart that we are NOT one of those families.
I am the grateful one, truly. I can't imagine our life without these two little blessings. I don't EVER want them to think that they owe us anything... and I will choose my words carefully when talking about having a grateful heart.