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As an adoptee, I use the terms "birth mother," "first mother," and "biological mother" pretty interchangeably. To me, they all describe fairly accurately my first mother's relationship to me (although if there were some word that combined all three, that might be even better!)
I guess of the three, "birth mother" is my least favorite (maybe because it seems like sort of a made-up term to me, and not particularly descriptive), but I use it a lot because it seems to be the term that most people understand. And personally, I've never thought of "birth mother" as referring specifically to the event of birth. I just think of it as referring to the fact that she was my mother at the time of my birth.
Also, some say that "biological mother" sounds too clinical, but to me, that biological connection is an important one, one that is there for life.
And "first mother" to me refers to the fact that she was my first mother chronologically, not in terms of quality.
Given all that, I do think that the birth/first/bio parents should have first priority in picking a term for themselves.
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