[JustPeachy]

I use birthmom (or bmom) when using language to distinguish myself from my son's mom, but in my heart, I feel we are both his mom, and both his real mom in different ways. I don't really understand, in general, the p*ssing contests (from either side--not saying the OP is engaging in such a thing, specifically) about who is the child's "real" mother. The fact is, the child has two real moms. I wish there was some way that we, as a society, could just use "mom" for both birth and adoptive parents, but obviously, some distinction needs to be made for clarity.

The one and only title I will never use for myself is "parent." Even though I carried him for 9 months, I don't feel, for me, that the title belongs to me. His mom did all the work of raising him, so that title is hers, and hers alone.

Personally, I don't find bmom offensive, or that I'm being reduced to a "breeder." I do not like the limitations of the word "birthmom," for the same reasons cammie mentioned, but it works for me in terms of linguisitc clarity, so I use it. First mom or natural mom just don't sound right to me, biological mother is too cumbersome.

I would say if you are on a board where the bmoms want to be called certain terms that hurt you, it may not be the board for you. I don't know how well it would go over to suggest other language if the bmoms are so adamant that they be called "first/natural/real" in that particular forum. In your own life situation, you should be able to define yourself in whatever way you are comfortable, but how your child's bmom chooses to defines herself shouldn't make you feel in any way diminished. I don't think one cancels the other out, you know?