[Sparky7]

Hi my name is Rachel i gave birth to a beautiful little girl in nov of 06. During that time i lost contact with my baby's birthfather she was a premmie so she was in the hospital for 2 weeks and i had to have a c section so during that time i was with her and trying to heal my body. When she went to her foster mom's i decided to look for him i sort of remember his house so i tried to see if i could find it again. He was right outside and i told him about the baby and what happend. He was thrilled at first and worried for me when i told him about the baby and we made plans to get together the next day and talk. I told him about me wanting to go with an adoption cause he and I were in no shape to raise her he didnt want to at first and i told him to think about it and get back to me. He did and said this was the best thing for her he had 2 children and couldnt take on another one. He was having alot of trouble with it so i pretty much pick the parents talk with them ect he said he trusted me and whats best for our child and i didnt want to force him into anything so i did most of it. Our court date was very hard on both of us when it was over he ran our of the room as fast as he could and i went into the bathroom stall threw up and cried. I know we did the right thing for Aria and i wouldnt change it if i could. I have a open adoption with her i see her 2 times a month and the people that are rasing her are a wonderful couple. Sadly after the court date aria's b dad wouldnt talk to me closed up and he got back together with the mother of his other children. He never has seen her and in july of last year pretty much left without saying goodbye or anything. I was angry and hurt for a long time he couldnt deal with it so he did the easiest thing and left. After awhile i got over my anger and hope that when aria was older and wanted to find him hopefully we could. Well 3 weeks ago he emailed me his num wanted to talk to me. My old num had changed and the place where i worked moved so the only thing he had was my email. We have been talking alot about aria her parents what he went threw the year he left. He still cant really tell me what its like for him being the birthfather. Aria was my first child but his 3rd so i dont know how he would feel his baby calling someone else daddy. He has just ask for updates about her and i have no problem with that but i did ask her a parents first and they said it was fine. If he wants to see her one day i feel he needs to talk to them on his own i cant help him with that. I know some birthmothers want the birthfather never near there babies at all and some go to great lenghs to keep them away. I never wanted that i wanted my child b dad to know her like i do cause he has that right just as much as i do. I always wanted to remain friends with him and help him threw this i wanted us to be a team a support. He doesnt trust me because of what his ex did to him over the past year not just me but women in general and i have no trust for him because of him leaving. We are trying though for our child and us to make this work. If there is any birthfather out there willing to talk to me to help me understand what he is going threw please if you could contact me to help me i would be so grateful. I'm feel like i'm in a fog very lost and i could use some help. Please help me understand.