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This is something I've also trying to figure out in terms of what to call everyone. I am one of those people that doesn't like terms like birth mother, birth giver, etc. I don't want myself defined by a single event. I also wonder about first parents in an open adoption. They are more than birth givers. They have a relationship with that child, even if it is not the primary mother-daughter relationship. To me, birth mother, birth giver, etc is equivilent to adopters, which I know most a-parents don't like. Thus, I use neither.
I don't like real to describe either side of the triad. everyone is real. We're certainly not imaginary. I used to use natural mother/parent until I found out that it implied that the a-parents were unnatural. Obviously, I stopped using it as I would think that it's highly insulting.
I personally use first mother/parent as I think it's most accurate and most a-parents I've spoken to are okay with it. Those two and a half days I was in the hospital, I fed my baby, changed his diaper, made sure he wasn't too hot or too cold, freaked out and watched carefully anytime someone else would hold him, stayed up all night to hold him, etc. I think those would qualify as things a mother does and so I think first mother fits. I'd love to hear the A-parents opinions on this though.
I'm not too sure about "life giver". I don't really like the way it sounds but I'm going to mull it over in my head some.
P.S. I really don't mean to offend anyone and if I have, I am very sorry and please know I'm just giving my opinion, not trying to insult or dehumanize anyone.
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