[blessedbybug]

I've really tried to work hard to not let what others want to call themselves define who I am. Just because someone wants to be called a natural mom doesn't make me un-natural necessarily. I see it as they are the mom who gave the child their nature and I am the one who is privileged to nurture them.

As for the "real" mom description, I too don't see myself as fake but rather think as she's real. And I'm real too. One doesn't negate the other.

I, personally, choose to use first mothers or other mothers. Because to me, as I define myself that is who they are. They parented their children for the first nine months and through their decision on how they wanted to parent their child in the future. They chose adoption. They made many, many FIRST decisions for their child. And I respect their place in their/my child's life. I am their child's second choice as a mother. And privileged to be that person for them. THAT is the reality. Second doesn't make a person less unless one can only define themselves as as having to be first or only no matter what. In adoption, that just isn't reality. And I use other mothers when I speak of them because I never want to diminish the role their other moms play or should play in their life, regardless of how involved they happened to be in their child's life.

That said, both other moms of my children prefer to be called birth mom in person. DS's other mom spoke very clearly of how it is important to her that he knows that THAT is what she did for him. She felt she couldn't do anything else but she gave him life, she carried him and birthed him and then chose other parents for him, and she wanted to make sure he knows that.

I guess for me, it is an individual choice. I don't want to argue about it anymore. The most respectful thing to do is to call people what they want to be called. And this should go both ways, finding respectfull ways to speak to each other.