Hi Mom..Welcome to the forum and here's my thoughts, OK. I placed my daughter at birth in a closed adoption 22 years ago and we reunited when she turned 19. Speaking personally, I actually use and prefer the term B-mom and the "B" represents either biological-or- birth. I have never had an issue when it is used here by any sector of the triad. I DO object (often loudly
) when the term is proceeded by the word "OUR". I am my daughter's BIRTH MOTHER. I am not her parent's B-mom and would not want to hear her mother refer to me as "Our B-mom."
Like you posted, I also feel the terms natural, first, or the forbidden real has negative and hurtful connotations for the A-mom and I don't use these terms b/c I do not want to offend. I would not want either of us referred to as REAL b/c it implies the other is FAKE. I feel the people who raised my daughter are her parents and I only use the A-or-B before the word Mom to provide clarity in my on line posts; in person I am her Mom and she is her Mom. My daughter calls us both Mommy and since I'm never with her parents there is no confusion.
I've read your other posts and I'm sorry for the way you were treated before coming here. This is a respectful site with great moderators
where I've been warmly treated and I hope you'll experience this too. That's not to say there isn't drama at times, but they keep it in check.
Best Wishes...Tracy