Beth,
I am an adoptee and also and adoption worker. I recently came a cross a great resource that could really help you. It helped me as an adoptee reading it, I found it very accurate and straightforward. I recommend reading "20 things adoptive children, wish their adoptive parents knew" (or it might be 25 things?) anyways it'll come up if you google it. I also recommend this book to any adoptee's reading this.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by BethAF
I am an adoptive mom to a wonderful 15 month old boy. My husband and I love him with all our heart.
It is a closed adoption at the request of the birthmother. We received a fairly thorough background on bmom and a limited background on bdad. However, we strongly believe that we know who they are. We're about 99% sure. There are a lot of things that happened during the relinquishment period that I think would be very hurtful for my son to find out in the future. Bdad completely denied paternity and bmom did a couple of things that I think would break any child's heart. So, I guess my question is... do we just stick to the facts about thier basic background info? When he get's older, do we give him the full names of who we think his bio-parents are? Do we ever tell him the circumstances surrounding his adoption? I guess I'm afraid that he'd hate us if we held back info, but would be crushed if he knew some of the other info about his bparents. I also think about what would happen if he went to look for them (which I would support) and they rejected him, or never responded to him.
I guess I just need the advice of people who have been in my son's shoes. He's just a little guy now but I worry about this. I know I can't protect him from every hurt in the world. I just don't want to royally screw up!
Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
|