[loveccl]

I just got in a huge fight w/ one of my very good friends. She actually asked if I was "on something". She refuse to even try to understand my concerns about loosing Caelan. She said I was being irrational.

About 2yrs ago I went through a DUI and I'm paying the price still. I drove last Nov. w/ out a license and so due to that there is a posiibilty of 30 days in jail. At this point it looks like I'll get an ankle monitor at the very most. I totally accept that. (Even though I think its so stupid.) A family who has been amazing and basically adopted me in the last 7 yrs said they worked out how they would take care of Caelan for that 30days. They didn't even mention how Jason (Caelan's dad) would be part of it. So it sent terror through me and now I'm freaking out that they want to take Caelan. My friend who I just fought w/ can't believe I would even consider them stealing Caelan. Ummmm...hello why wouldn't I. I tried to explain the birthmother fear and how the family said since I was going through this right now they thought my life was out of control. Things can't help but spin in my head that since I'm so "out of control" they think Caelan would be better w/ them. They have a daughter who is 25 and will never marry or have kids (she is too introverted). So Caelan would be the prefect lil baby for them to steel for her.

I just told Jason that this is the same as after I had CCL. People called me crazy for "FEELING". I am an amazing mom and my son belongs w/ me. I am not on anything...I'm a birthmother w/ real fears that I need to work through.