[mandiedandie]

I am not really sure what to do and am feeling very nervous about what will happen. The past 4 months, I have been depressed. Back in May, my parents were in Africa and my little sister was in my and my brother's care- she is 16. At the time, we had been waiting for about 3-4 months to be matched and we found out my little sister was pregnant. I had already been having a really hard time with waiting to be a mom, with my parents being gone for 14 weeks as they are a support system, work was very stressful, and then bam, my sister gets pregnant and I was asked to take her to her appts. Well, it threw me over the edge, I couldn't sleep for days, so I went and got some Xanax and saw a therapist. While in therapy, it came out that I was in a sexually, physically, and mentally abusive relationship...which my therapist kind of forced me to look at even though I really wasn't in the right place since I was already having a rough time with my sister. So, not only that, but my therapist started telling me to deal with the fact that my mom and dad can't help me with my problems, blah blah...made me feel like my life was horrible. Still no sleep, more depression and anxiety...really bad. Okay, so I finally ask for an anti-depressant because you know, this just isn't getting better, I'm still not sleeping, and am tired of taking something that can be addictive. So, my family doctor advises me to see a psychiatrist because he isn't comfortable prescribing those meds. So, I try to make an appt with one back in July, but because there is only ONE group in this city, my appt is set for Sep. 30. Okay, so I keep trying to deal with it, no sleep, lots of anxiety, not understanding why I can't kick it. In the meantime, we call the agency and asked to not be shown for a while because I have a lot going on. So, I keep trying to deal, try the anti-depressant my family doctor gave me but it made me so sick I couldn't eat, still couldn't sleep, etc. Quit going to therapy because she just made me feel like my life was horrible. So, fast forward and I ended up voluntarily going to an in-patient facility in a larger city because I just didn't feel better at all and the only way I could get the right medication and referalls was to go there. So, I went, got the right stuff, was told hey, your therapist was really bad for you, was referred to a good therapist. When I told them how scared I was that we wouldn't be able to adopt now because it looks bad that I went in-patient, albeit voluntarily (and not because I was suicidal or anything, just because the depression wasn't getting better) only because I couldn't get the right help in my city and the psychiatrist said, don't even tell them about it, you're fine, you're stable, you just were gut-punched so many times with so much stuff, that it got too hard. She said to just get back out there right away, but I am nervous that our agency will revoke our homestudy now. I feel an obligation to tell them when we are ready to be shown again that I am on anti-depressant medication, my husband thinks that we don't need to give them the details because I went in-patient for 2 days basically to see the right doctor and get the right medication, and get the right referral to a good therapist and that as long as the therapist signs off on me being stable, just like the psychiatrist said I was, then we'll be fine. I have no previous history of depression, being in therapy, or being on meds of any type until now...which is why I think it was so hard for me to get the right help, because I've never been through this before. In your opinions, what do we have to reveal and will it revoke our homestudy? I am doing so much better now that I got the right help, and I am so frustrated that I had to go to that place simply because it takes MONTHS to get in to see a doctor here. Thanks