Quote:
|
Originally Posted by noponena
Hi ALS2007,
This week I'm going through a reunion with my 19 year old adopted son, and noticed this same kind of sensation. It makes perfect sense to me - we're initiating what is likely to become a close, emotionally intimate relationship; we would like (well, I would, anyway, but I think he would too, his adoptive mom tells me he's her hugger) a close physical relationship with lots of hugs and healthy touch; it's new, it's emotional, it's confusing. Sounds like falling in love to me - the kind that usually happens between a mom and an infant. I agree with kune that because I understand what's appropriate and what's not, it won't be a problem for me. I expect to just try and work through it, a lot like what Yarrow1 is describing with thirst.
Not sure if he's feeling this or not, or if it's just me. Hopefully if he is, he won't feel shamed or scared but can talk about it with any of his birth or adopted family to sort it out.
Thanks for the post- noponena
|
I told people it was like what happens to a new mother, only when you are a new mother, things happen day to day.
When you know you are raising a baby you allow all those "switches" to flip to the on postion.
In adoption you aren't allowed, or don't let them turn on.
So in reunion all those mommy switches are flipping on all at once. You mommy instincts want to do all things all new mommies do.
The difference you can't bathe them or change diapers.
You can and with caution, touch, hold, kiss, even caress. As you would with any adult child. Not the intimate touch of lovers. Sit close together.
As mothers we still crave the skin touch of our child. That is OKAY as long as you do it in an appropreate manner.
You can hold hands, touch your childs face, even give them a shoulder massage. I counted my son's toes, and have pictures to prove it. Then I ticked his foot, accidentally at first then on purpose. i have pictures of this too.
Becareful of the staring, it unnearved my son so I tried to do it less. Now, after 11 years, I don't stare anymore.
Any touch you would do with your raised kids, best friend, your own parent, is okay.
good luck