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I had my first daughter 18 years after I relinquished! And those first few months I lived in terror. Actually I had come out of a mentally abusive relationship just two years previously so I was in terror my entire pregnancy that my ex would try to hurt me or my baby (not his of course).
I guess one thing that I would suggest is making sure Caelin's dad knows why you are having so many anxieties about this. Then maybe he can support you by being extra supportive?
I had mentioned in another thread that my daughter was born in England, they have health visitorrs that come by to check on you, that was terrifying as well. I didn't really understand their purpose and thought they were checking up on if I was good enough. One of the first times they came, I picked my daughter up off the scale and she peed all over me. I didn't react at all. Just said 'oh'.
It got better with time (I also had her with me ALWAYS except when my mom came to visit) and it's been even easier with my second daughter. Although we did have a room in the hospital that meant my first daughter stayed overnight with us right after I had my second daughter.
Take care!
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