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Oh my GOSH I so totally understand what you are going through! TOTALLY!
When I gave my daughter up I was unmarried. I didn't have a say in it. I was forced to give her away.
After she was gone and I went home, I met a guy who I eventually married. We had two children together but I never worried about anyone taking them because I was married.
When I left my husband due to his abuse to all of us, it took several months before our divorce was final but I stupidly got involved with a guy during the "wait time" for the divorce and well, I got pregnant and was unmarried AGAIN when I gave birth to my youngest son.
I was SO worried they'd take him from me while I was in the hospital because I wasn't married and his dad was a jerk and didn't really care about his son.
I couldn't sleep. I INSISTED my son be in the room 100%of the time we were in the hospital. If someone came into the room I was immediately awake and watching everything they did. I didn't trust ANYONE! It was awful! I worried constantly someone would find a "reason" to take him because I wasn't married and I had two other children who my ex-husband was trying to say I couldn't take care of anyway.
When I went home, I was constantly worried someone from the social services or somewhere would come and take him from me. I worried about his dad coming and deciding he'd rather raise him because of child support he was being forced to pay he couldn't afford. He threatened that a lot if I didn't take his child support payment down. I had no control over that because I was on assistance for a short while. He never actually followed through on taking custody but it was still a threat from him over child support.
It was one thing after another. It took almost 5 years after my youngest son's birth before I stopped worrying about someone coming to take him from me merely because I wasn't married. It was horrible! It was a nightmere!
I do understand how you feel and I know it's something you will get over with eventually but it will take time. It might be a shorter time for you than it was for me or maybe longer but you will get past it and be comfortable with who is around your son and what's going on with him.
Rylee
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