Ahhh, aclee.....just coming into this....
Let me tell ya.....I could adopt an older baby anytime. Well, just ABOUT anytime. I've come to the conclusion that adopting a baby/child/toddler before the age of 2...even a few months before the 3rd birthday, is almost safe.
Adopting a baby before the age of 12months, to me, is very safe. (Maybe because two of our babies were over 7months---almost 8months before they came home.)
One of our older child adoptions had just turned 3yrs old when he came to us; however........I have to admit that his foster parents were NOT the best people to parent...and I think that REALLY did a number on him too. (Long, LONG story...but realized by the caseworkers too.)
I know we're considering/would consider an older baby.....and I think it can be done very well, AS LONG AS the new parents educate themselves in ATTACHMENT PARENTING. Certainly, this isn't a cure-all for all children; but it surely helps. I mean, we use attachment parenting for our
babies that come along as ours.
I also have to admit, now that most (if not all) of the anger is gone from our situations....that a lot of our problems weren't common. (Please read the disruption forums for details if you want.) Still, I don't think it's wise to upset the birth order of your children; nor do I think it wise to bring in a child who's been
severely sexually abused...unless they're under 12months.
I say this too.....do NOT rely on the classes the foster system teaches as the 'teach-all/know-all' of older child adoptions...or even older baby adoptions. Those classes are alright---they're required, I realize....but they don't include SO many issues/needs/wants that any parent will need when having a child that's come from the foster care system.
The system likes to blame too much on 'loss of a bio home'...when, IMO, many of the problems a child/baby has, are due to the constant back and forth of bios to foster (in visits and such) confusing the child more, IMO. (And yes, I expect that I might get slammed for that remark.) I don't think you can do that to ANY baby/child, without some sort of ramifications to their security.
But, as long as you pin-point EXACTLY what you'll accept...as long as you MAKE SURE you think with your head----and NOT just your heart (because it's SO easy to think with your heart in these cases)...and, as long as you DON'T fully trust every caseworker, but demand that you have ALL of the info about the child previous to placement....(whew, I know).....you'll have a much better chance at a successful placement than you would otherwise.
Additionally, make sure you have a LOT of resources and knowledge of those resources in place before a baby/toddler even comes. (Early Intervention, specialists, hospitals, etc.)
And finally......it's a really, REALLY good idea, to join or frequently attend a support group for these types of adoptions BEFORE you even get a toddler, baby/child. These people are the ones WHO DO KNOW. They've BTDT; and if they haven't...they know the people to go to for the knowledge you may need.
Like I said, we've considered (even applied) to adopt an older toddler (2yrs and under).....privately. Not necessarily from the system, but some of the same issues will apply, I'm sure. Just be careful, knowledgable and cautious. Some older child adoptions DO work---I know because we have some in our church. But, generally, the older the child, the more issues you'll have.
Please feel free to pm me...and my VERY BEST TO YOU!
Most Sincerely,
Linny