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I totally understand how you feel. I also hated the thought of my DD being the only AA person in our family. My DH and I actually talked about that and were deciding how to handle our second adoption when we got the call that our DD had a newborn half brother so God took care of that one, but I've been there.
I CAN tell you that when we are in family reunions and all my babies' cousins are lilly white, I love that my children have each other to look at and see they have someone else who looks like them.
The funny thing is that my mom had a hard time at first with us adopting an AA child. Of course now she is the proudest grandma. But she told me one day, shortly after DD came home, that she hoped the next baby would be AA so my DD would have a sibling that looked like her. That was a shock!
I know this does not make your decision easier, but I wanted you to know you are not alone in feeling that way and it does not mean you are horrible. It means you want to protect your kids and make their lives as easy as possible, given their circumstances. Whatever you decide those kids are blessed to have you as a mom.
Blessings,
Gaby
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