I adopted 2 toddlers from foster care....They are full bio brothers, but my oldest son was in relative care with his paternal grandmother most of his life and was continuously in contact with bio parents although there was a no contact order....My youngest son was in foster care from the day he was born......
My youngest son was placed with me at 13 months (He's 2.5 now) and has adjusted REALLY well, he has no issues at all...He's a normal 2 y/o.... although he is VERY SPOILED....
My oldest son on the other hand has "no official diagnosis," but he has lots of issues with abandoment, attachment, and trust issues to the point where he is requires more work and patience than when I had 2 infants combined. He is
VERY NEEDY and
EXTREMELY CLINGY, even after being with me for almost a 1.5 years.
Just yesterday, I wanted to rest for a few minutes before we got up to go to church...I told them to go get some toys and play in the livingroom while I layed in my bed for a few minutes. (My room is right next to the livingroom and I can see them from my bed) My youngest son (age 2) went and got his toys and played quietly, my oldest son
ADAMANTLY REFUSED and stood in my door way
SCREAMING AND CRYING at the top of his lungs: "I want you mommy" I need a hug."
He just kept
SCREAMING it over and over again. I kept pleading with him just sit down and play..I need 5 min. Then finally...I just told him to go play and shut the door while he stood there screaming.
TRUST ME this child is in no way starved for attention and it was not going to hurt to play for a few minutes by himself. He's less than 2 months from being 4 and I had just before I went in my room given both children hugs and kisses....
I wish this was an isolated occasion, but it occurs frequently and often in public.....He's been suspended from daycare 2x and they have children's church just for him (Because he won't stop screaming in church)
He has
very little impulse control and he talks
NON STOP. He isn't violent anymore, but in the beginning he was
VERY aggressive towards the younger kids...but he witnessed domestic violence on daily basis (even when he was in relative care).
After much fighting for over 1.5 years, we started therapy today....I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I am praying we can at least get his behavior manageable (sp?) He's the sweetest, smartest, most loving, most handsome (if I do sayso myself) little boy (besides my other son..he he he) in the entire world....But he definitely has his "issues"
But saying all that....
Most of the people I "PERSONALLY" know who have adopted toddlers have had little to no long term issues....Of course the beginning is going to be really scary for the toddler....but most of the kids I know of "PERSONALLY" (besides my own son of course) have adjusted really well.
EDITED TO ADD: My oldest son was 2.5 at time of placement
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Originally Posted by aclee
There is a little talk on the boards about several who are or have adopted older children. We are working through foster care of our next adoption. I would like to consider an older/younger sibling group (one older than Ty, one younger...esp. if the younger one was male and the older female) but Dh would really like to adopt just one at a time, and is concerned about what the bonding would be like for a say 2 or 3 year old to us (same man that was concerned about bonding to an adopted child if we're all being honest) I think he also has a fear and a real protective instinct of Tyler (not that I don't, but his is amazing) where he doesn't want Ty to end up being the only child, or sort of shoved outta the way because other children need more care or attention. I think he's would be pretty content to sit on our duffs and just have Ty (actually he has made a lot of comments about wanting a big family too). He has a couple times said...well what to the girls on line (you guys...though I've told him there are guys here too) think/do etc. So here I am. Asking before he can ask. Can you all share with me the ins and outs of a toddler adoption. Linny, I know you aren't a fan, and I would love to hear you share more. Those that think it's great or not great, I'd like to hear it all.
Thanks!
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