[DFNY]

I'm sure this is a hard time for you, especially if you were expecting to hear better news on the status of your case. I hope things are resolved quickly and your son can come home ASAP.

RE: the name--your child will certainly adjust if you decide to change his name, especially since he's not that old. In our case, my daughter was referred to us at 2 wks. She turned 3 yrs old in June and we're still waiting for her to come home, something we would never have dreamt possible. During the last 3 yrs, she has been called by the name we planned to name her (Rebecca), by her given name (N) and then, mistakenly, by her birthmom's name (V). The FF did call her Rebecca as we asked for the first 16 months of her life. Then DD was moved to an hogar and the director mistakenly called our DD by her birthmom's name (V). We visited DD at 19 months and found out about this error. We decided that if DD was used to that name, we would honor the birthmom by choosing her name as our DD's name. DD responded to V or N. Then, DD was released from the hogar, returned to the FF and they would call her by this new name (V) but, lo and behold, DD started playing with a Build A Bear that we'd sent her months before and it had my voice singing to her, calling her by her given name (N) and that's the only name DD wants. She points to herself and says "N". We've decided that her given name will continue to be her name and we feel very comfortable about that. We believe we will also include the birthmom's name as part of her permanent name.

RE: Momma--I agree with the previous poster about the need to bond and the fact that children will often call more than one person "Momma". I don't doubt it hurts you as it did me but, once you bring him home, you will indeed be his one and only Momma and, for now, you are blessed to have your child cared for by someone who is his mother figure. Imagine if my daughter didn't call anyone Momma after all these unexpected delays in the process? Who would have ever thought that we'd be waiting 3 years? The FF is her mother, the only one she's ever known. She'll get over the confusion once she comes home and I become her caregiver and the one she sees every day. When we visited in June, she called 3 of us "Mama": the FM, the FM's mother (a very big part of DD's life), and then me (b/c the foster mom shows her pictures of me and calls me that). After a few days, DD wouldn't call me "momma" but she sought me out for comfort and hugs and kisses. It was almost like she felt disloyal to her other mamas. I understood and asked her to call me "mommy". Since we had to return her once again, I'll wait to become her one and only mommy and look forward to that day. But how lucky that so many people love her and care deeply for her.

Damaris