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After I adopted my son I went through a period of guilt and I spent a lot of time torturing myself looking at sites like the one you mentioned. I became sort of depressed and found that it was interfering with my ability to fully bond with my baby so I finally stopped.
This site has helped me a lot and given me insight into what all members of the triad go through. I think that the "haters" are putting their energy in the wrong place when they lash out at all adoptive parents. I believe that energy would be better put to use to advocate for pregnant women and children and for ethical adoption laws.
What really helped me was realizing that no matter what other people think, my son's other mom made a choice that was her right. She had her own reasons for choosing adoption and for choosing me as her son's mom. My only responsibility is to make myself worthy of that trust by being the best mom possible to my son. No matter why or how or what anyone thinks the reality is that this adoption happened and he needs me to love him and give him the very best home and upbringing that I can. Focusing on his needs is the thing that bonded me to him and now nothing on heaven or earth will keep me from taking care of him and loving him.
You sound like a really good mom. You are concerned about your daughter's future and how adoption will affect her. It's good that you have respect for her roots and realize that you don't "own" her but give yourself permission to "own" your role as her mother because both of you need to feel secure that you are her mom and you can take care of her.
All the best to you and your family!
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