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I'm sorry for your very long wait. I hope things get resolved soon!
My wee one's foster mom did the same thing as yours - declined to use the name I chose (she didn't seem to like it, and still uses her birth name over a year later); and taught the baby that she was "mama." Yes, she did have trouble observing the "boundary" between the foster mom and forever mom roles. This was her first foster child and she was so in love with her. It hurt her so much to give her up. I totally sympathize with her.
My daughter didn't have any problems as a result of the name change (I just called her both names together for a while). She figured out who her forever mom was pretty quick. She has always been a very loving and well-adjusted child, thanks to the blessed love of her foster mom. I was disappointed at first that the foster mom put herself more into the "mom" role than I would have liked, but it all worked out. So, I'd say don't worry about that.
I do understand your frustration with this overall process. It really sucks, what else can we say? Wishing you the best for the remaining steps.
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Mom of Norma and Sara 
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6/06 began paper chase 
9/06 home study completed 
10/06 I-171
11/06 dossier completed
1/25/07 referral of Norma 
1/26/07 referral of Sara
2/23/07 DNA test x 2
3/6/07 It's a match x 2! 
4/23/07(?) out of FC
4/26-4/30 vist trip 
5/5 & 5/7 PA x 2 
5/24 "In" PGN 
6/15 resubmit after KO
8/31 OUT x 2! 
9/11 2nd DNA Auth
9/25 Pink! 
10-10 Visa appointment
10-10 Norma's birthday party in Guatemala! 
10-12 Norma and Sara are HOME!!! 
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Thank God for a smooth process in Guatemala 
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