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Originally Posted by JustPeachy
Momto1, I am a bmom, and I have had similar reaction as you to other websites where bmoms are very angry/hostile about adoption and very vicious toward aparents. I just cannot relate to it.
I realize some people had terrible situations where their children were taken from them, or they were manipulated or forced into relinquishing. This is terrible and should never have happened. I know agencies in the past (and even some today) were unscrupulous. But my situation does not mirror that, and my experience was overall very positive. I certainly don't feel like my son's aparents took advantage of me or that I was strong armed into making an adoption plan. Do I wish there were things about the system at that time that were different? Sure. Do I think changes need to be made today in adoption practice. Absolutely. But I am in no way anti-adoption or feel that all agencies and aparents are "baby stealers" out to take advantage of a naive or unsuspecting bmom.
Realize that there are indeed a lot of disgruntled people on the internet, find a community that is more supportive, and let the rest go. I would not let the harsh opinions of others make you second guess your choice to adopt, or think that it is an absolute certainty that your daughter will have "issues" similar to those expressed by other adoptees.
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Your words as a b.mom sounded the most comforting. I truly have a feeling of affection and protectiveness about our babies B.Mom without having ever met her (her choice),never even seen her photo( her choice) and spoken to her(language issue and her choice) and i hope she feels the same way about us. I have written to her and she has sent a few liners to me with a thank you for the loving letter.
I also will want to believe our baby won't grow up angry, confused and full of "issues" that i won't be able to emotionally deal with.
I am keeping our informal promise to our b.mom to be a stay home mom and give her love of both set of parents- mom and dad for life which she could not offer and wanted so much for her children.
Connecting to you made me feel close to our b.mom. Thank you.