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Here's our story....
We just recently adopted a sibling group - B is 15 and C is 14. They moved in 17 months ago.
They are from out of state - about a four hour car ride. We went to visit them about three times for a weekend visit each time and then they came here twice for a long weekend before they moved in.
The first time we met them we bought some pictures of our dogs (we don't have any other children) and of our house. It was very overwhelming for all of us those first visits. We had never had children before and weren't too sure on how to handle them.
There were actually three (they have a younger brother who we were also planning on adopting) but after two months living here we had to disrupt with him. So the first few months were pretty crazy - their younger brother has some pretty severe emotional issues and the whole family was suffering from this.
I don't know what I would have done differently, I was completely stressed out with an instant family and working a stressful full time job. Plus, C and B (who were never diagnosed when they moved in) have since been diagnosed with FASD. Emotionally they are much younger than their chronological age and add to that the teenage harmones, we definately have more bad days than good days.
I'm working on making each of them a scrapbook. They came with very little from their past. They do have a picture of their mother which I framed and put one in each of their bedrooms. I make sure they keep in touch with their other brother and sister from out of state (we are heading up there this week for a visit).
They are both very insecure and I keep them involved in sports and extracurricular activities. This not only keeps them busy but it helps to boost their self esteem and make new friends which is very hard for them.
We are very strict and keep a tight schedule with them. I think it helps them feel secure. They are NEVER alone (we can't trust them to be alone) but I think this helps them learn that we will always be here for them and keep them safe.
Each child is different and what works for some doesn't always work for others. I think you need to do what works for your family.
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