[MilehighDad]

I'm posting this question because I want to gather ideas for how we can meet and help a child move into our family. I am assuming for this discussion that it is an adoptive placement of an older child who has been in the system for some time. Clearly, young children or initial foster placements would have some big differences. But, a second or third move for a older kid in foster care would have similarities if you had a chance to prepare for it.

We are currently trying to adopt an 11-year old girl from another state, which is about 800 miles away. We previously have adopted a newborn and a 14-year old. The 14-year old lived only a couple of miles from us, so it was easy to spend time with her every day until she was comfortable with us, then have her spend the night, then move in after only 10 days. I know the "standard format" for transitioning an older kid from out-of-state would be to fly them in for a visit, then have them go back for a week, then fly them in permanently. This girl has been through that format in a failed placement, though, so the last thing we want to do is start down the same path and increase her fear of being rejected again.

We had lots of ideas on how to help our 14-year old adjust and settle in, and I would really like to hear LOTS of ideas from LOTS of people on what you have tried. Not just for the transition period, but on all the following questions:

How did you introduce yourself when you first met? How long did you spend getting to know them before they moved in permanently? What special things did you do during the transition period? Did you bring a gift to your first meeting? How did you help the current kids in the home prepare and adjust? What things that you tried backfired and made them angry, insecure, or they just thought was lame? Did you take pictures as a family? Did you make a scrapbook for them? How would you do it differently if you could try again?

I will post some of the things we did for our 14-year old in a day or two. Thanks for sharing!