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Really interesting ideas here.
I have a LOT of prior baby/child experience. I worked NICU for 4 years. I'm used to doing very painful things to babies.
I worked L&D both in hospital and free-standing birth center. Spent 2 1/2 years doing a private duty case starting when he was 3. Worked a couple years in a day care for both typical and special needs kids. I've cared for kids who have had bone marrow transplants. I'm a stepmom who got the first batch of kids when they were 5 and 7 (now 17 and 19.) Plus my parents were foster parents for newborns my entire high school career.
Needless to say, caring for a baby is a no-brainer for me. When my son was born caring for him was easy (except that we did EC, which I knew nothing about.) It was the rawness of my emotions that I found overwhelming. It's not like I was overly concerned about the world, he was licked by our dog when he was 12 hours old (though I kept away people with colds.) It was just so...emotional.
I also wonder how much has to do with the fact that we had no time to prepare emotionally for her arrival. We got "the call" at 9:42am (according to my cell phone) and we met her at 2:21 pm. I still can't believe we have a baby and we've had her for almost 2 weeks.
When my son was first born, it was all so surreal. I stared at this little creature and wondered where he'd come from. I took care of him because it was my job, but I had no real attachment. Then at 24 hours it all erupted and I have been an emotional slave ever since.
I'm glad other people have had similar experiences. I was afraid I'd be accused of not appreciating her or whatever. That is not true, I'm just trying to sort out the differences.
I also live with the constant fear she'll go away. No one believes dad will take her. Mom says she doesn't even know who dad is and everyone believes her. Still, what a scary thought.
I also worry about the stress she underwent during the pregnancy. Bmom was so stressed. There are studies showing that children who gestated during war have increased risk of schizophrenia because of maternal stress. We really know very little about the mom and nothing about the dad. We don't know their mental health background. I just can't bear the thought that she could end up with a mental illness because I couldn't care for her before she was born. I'm doing everything there is to be done to help her brain grow right--I'm nursing her, I wear her constantly, and we co-sleep. All that contact is what she needs to help her brain (brain connections need touch to form.) I guess we all have to worry about something. At least I'm worrying about something that I can take actions for.
Anyways, I'm really enjoying everyone's comments and I hope to read more. Thanks for your input.
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