[aclee]

Originally Posted by Whirled_Peas

Things are very different with this baby than when I gave birth. I'm wondering how much is adoption and how much is second time mom.

After birth, the hormones do amazing things to one's brain. I became this ooey, gooey, smarmy person. I signed him up for a motor class called, "Wiggle Bells," right before Christmas. The name of the class was so sweet it made me cry. Ugh. I am not that type of person. Really. It was the hormones.

Thankfully I'm not that way this time. There are other differences that I'm trying to sort out. With bio baby, any time he cried I was beside myself. It seared my soul. I don't feel that way this time. I attend to her needs right away, but I'm not going to die if she whimpers (she actually rarely cries) for an extra 5 seconds.

I also don't have the "fantasies" of horrible things happening to her. I've talked with plenty of bio-moms and this is common. All kinds of unspeakable fears of things happening to their baby. I think it's nature's way of keeping us prepared to keep these little ones safe. I like it this way better. It was always so disturbing with my son.

I'm also not as giddy in love. I like this baby a lot, but I am not as over-the-top as I was with my bio child. I think hormone differences may account for a lot of that. I'm just wondering how much is the second time for anything isn't as lustrous as the first time.

Then there's that little bit of emotional space I have to keep until dad's rights are severed in mid-Oct. No one expects dad to come forward, but I live with this constant fear we could, theoretically, lose her. So how much does that make a difference?

I think every parent has a different relationship with every child. I'm just surprised at some of the differences and I'm wondering if anyone has thoughts on these.

I can't comment on birth vs. adopted, but many of the things you listed with your bio child, I have with Ty, so maybe it is more first vs second. I think it really depends on how how much child experience you have too. I don't run to him every whimper, but I knew I wouldn't be that kind of Mom. I am gaga in love (like you all can't tell) to the point I make others insane. They deal The first time I saw Ty all dressed in blue I was bawling my eyes out. Stupid stuff about him makes me cry all the time. He gargled his formula the other day (a new trick) and it sounded like Mama and I thought I was gonna lose it.

I have the intense fear of loss...I chalked that up to everything I've been through since he came to us though. Even if it's not overwhelming I am VERY MUCH a cherish every instant person. I almost lost my husband though, so I think the fear is pretty well founded Life can change in an instance and I have a VERY healthy respect for that. Not sure if that has anything to do with first, second, bio or adopted....it's just how I am.