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It sounds to me that your husband's ideas are based a lot on fear that the child will not bond with him as a father.
I guess one question I have for you is ... are you sure that you want an older child? Most older children are going to have some recollection of a family they lived with before. Don't get me wrong, I think that older child adoption is fabulous (and we did it ... our daughter is 21 months old) but I wonder if some of that fear would go away with a newborn?
When DH and I were discussing adoption, he had a fear that the child would use it against him in a "You're not my REAL father." We talked about the fact that ANY kid could use some version of this ... if it's not "You're not my REAL father" then it's "Johnny's dad is nicer than YOU. I would rather have HIM be my dad." Once DH realized this, he was more ok with it.
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2/07 - Started researching agencies
7/13/07 - Signed with agency
8/07 - 10/07 - Adoption put on hold
12/19/07 - Homestudy complete
2/25/08 - Officially waiting
5/29/08 - Matched!! Due 7/08
6/3/08 - Baby F born. Surprise!
6/7/08 - Adoption plan fell through 
7/11/08 - Matched! 20 month old girl and 3 month old boy
7/12/08 - The kids are in our care! Instant Family (just add water)!
3/20/09 - Finalized! We are legally, and in all other ways, a family.
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