I think I am equally pushy towards my bio kids as I am my a-kids. On a day to day basis I really don't think these are my bios, these are my foster, these are my adopted. I only make distinctions on boards like this. In day to day life, we never make that distinction. Our kids all "match" so no one who doesn't know the younger four are adopted ever question it. Some know about the age difference (25 years down to age 8) and ask me if I parent the younger ones differently than the older ones and I tell them no, that I learned a lot from the older ones and since they turned out ok, I figure that the younger ones will too.
The people that I associate with (adopters) actually have said, and I can see it to some extent, that there is LESS pressure when parenting our adopted kids, bc if they don't turn out so well, there could be an excuse why. Our kids are all adopted from fc though, so many of them have challenging mental and emotional issues.
I would be devastated had I placed a child for adoption thinking they were going to get all I could not give them, only to find out they were abused terribly. One of the reasons we adopted our younger sibling set, which were the most difficult children we ever had (RAD), was bc after 2 years, we were afraid that they'd go to a family who wouldn't be able to parent them properly and they'd either be returned to fc or abused bc of their behaviors.
I'm sorry that your child went through what she did after the sacrifice that you made for her. It's just heartbreaking to hear about it, I can't imagine living it.
