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Originally Posted by JustPeachy
What I've also come to realize, in pondering some more this whole judgement issue, is that in my situation, those who have judged me most harshly often seemed oddly jealous of my choice, or were projecting some of their own dissatisfaction with their own life choices onto me. I can remember friends, for instance, who had unplanned pregnancies who kept their children and were really struggling and unhappy. I think they thought I was somehow "getting off scot free" by placing. I've also noticed people in bad marriages or who are not fulfilled by parenting also lash out more. Maybe they feel they are "stuck" and how dare I "get away with" not having to step to the plate and do my "duty" (espeically as a FEMALE) to do whatever it takes to keep and raise my baby. I think this gets to the reason why it's the women who are so scorned and not the men. Men can impregnate women and walk away without much consequence. Oh, they may be called "deadbeat dads" or something, but there is also that "boys will be boys" mentality and that it is in their nature to "cat around." He's not expected to be the nurturer. Women, OTOH, are supposed to "naturally" want babies, and sacrifice themselves to their children without hesitation, no matter the circumstance, and whether or not you are ready to parent. So if you dare go against the status quo (and making an adoption plan is doing just that), society is going to come down hard on you.
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This I noticed a lot when I told people I had given my daugher for adoption. I was envied a lot and I must admit I had more freedom then they had. And it was true for me that we go against status quo. I adore Simone de Beauvoir, but then again, she never was a mother, but I used to quote her again and again. I used feminist ideas on motherhood to justify my choice/not choice. I was in denial at the time, numb and didnīt even think about bonding with my daughter. Now Iīm not so sure about all this. I love being a fostermother, and I love being a first/natural mother to my daughter. Thatīs all I know and I really want to fight against the stigma.
My previous thoughts are in turmoil, because I was in so much denial. It doesnīt mean I think you are. I respect your choice totally, Justpeachy.
Quantum, I really would like to know your story.
Love, Liliana