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Hi djvj,
I'm an adoptee and have not yet met my bparents. You mentioned that you would want a list of things an adoptee might want or sometimes need from their bparents. I can understand how you don't feel like your bdaughter needs another mother but I don't think you should look at it like that. A daughters love for her amother figure can be hard to describe to her bmother. I guess what I would want from my bmother is friendship. You shouldn't feel like you can't provide anything for your bdaughter because friendship in any relationship is what makes it so strong.
Although I haven't met my bparents I know that I should never have this fairytale ideal towards it if I were ever to meet them. There will be so much I would like to ask them but I'd need to consider that English is not their main language and the culture I grew up in would be so much different to theirs. Sometimes I think, is it necessary that they know all of my tribulations in my life or would it be more important for them to know about my triumphs? These are all questions I can't answer right now but I hope one day when the day comes I'll know. I guess my only hope would be that they would be proud of me.
Tlee, my heart goes out to you and I hope that you're still able to stay true to yourself. I wish I were full of more wisdom but I'm sure everyone else connected with this forum have plenty to give.
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