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The stories here have blown me away. You have my deepest, deepest sympathies.
I´m a birthmother from Scandinavia and was raped by a stranger when I was in my teens. We met in a night club I was not supposed to frequent, but I was drinking and on drugs. The rape resulted in my pregnancy and I got into denial. It was too late to abort when I snapped out of it and in any case I´m glad I chose to give birth. However, I was manipulated and pressured into giving my daughter for adoption and have regretted it for more than thirty years.
The rape and the loss of my daughter consumed me for years. I had to let go one step at a time. I gave up drinking and drugs with the help of AA and have been clean and sober for 22 years. With therapy, anger management and group work with rape victims, somehow I forgave the rapist. I don´t know how it happened, but I did as a result of the therapies. I was using drugs and did put myself in dangerous situations at the time of the rape. I decided to take some responsability, although I did not deserve being raped. I decided never to get drunk or take drugs or put myself in dangerous situations.
I am by no means justifying his crime or saying women who get drunk deserve to be raped. Please don´t misunderstand me. I worked with rape victims in Bosnia, learned self-defense and knew I´m not alone in this. If I can share my experience with some women out there, I feel better. It´s a way of healing.
It was simpler to forgive the rapist. It was easier to downplay the rape after it had consumed me for years. I refuse to be a victim, and I won´t give the rapist the power to hurt me for years after what happened. I suffered enough, but when I let go of that hate, I felt like I had found myself again and could make a fresh start in life.
I foster my little cousin, who lost her parents in an accident, and I live a full life. I am about to reunite with my daughter after years of trying, and I will contact the rapist if my daughter wants to meet him. The rapist did give me a gift: My daughter. He also ruined a part of my life, but enough is enough. I prefer to put the blinkers on and go on with my life. That is my solution.
Love,
Liliana
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