|
Definitely do your homework with regard to agencies, but they are not all bad. My agency did not use coercive tactics. I was told I needed to consider what I felt was in my child's best interest, but it was never pushed on me that adoption was better. I had a lot of time to consider other options, both before delivery and after. At that time, my agency didn't do "options counseling" (they do now), but I understood that my other options were to terminate the pregnancy or parent. I knew about welfare and other services, but did not wish to pursue these avenues. If anything, I had more pressure from my obstetrician to keep my child, go on welfare, etc.
It's not an easy decision, no matter which way you go. I knew I wasn't ready to parent and give my son the life I wanted him to have. It is hard to relinquish a child, no question, and no one can really explain how difficult it will be, but it would have been also hard, (and possibly a complete disaster, if I am to be honest), for me to raise my child at that time. I did not want to take that risk with his life. I was never told I'd "get over it" or "move on and forget about it" by any of my caseworkers at the agency (but ironically was told "you should be over this by now" from my own dear mother, two weeks after giving birth). I was told from my agency I would grieve, and it would be hard, but I had to make my decision after careful consideration of my circumstances, what I wanted for my son, and what I wanted for myself, as well. They also offered very good post-adoption counseling services. I've often thought about this, but given the same circumstances, and even knowing what I know now, I would probably make the same decision.
For me, I have to say, it did get easier over time, because I got good counseling, I was clear on my decision, and I saw how my son benefitted. If anything, it has gotten harder for me now, in midlife, and I often wonder if that has something to do with it because midlife is the time when people reflect on their past and re-hash/re-evaluate choices they made when younger. I never regretted my decision, but recently have regretted my circumstances at that time. I don't know if I ever reunite, if I will feel more sorrow at not raising my son. There is a loss in not getting to raise him, but also so much that I've gained, and more importantly, that my son has gained, from my decision.
|