[tlee70]

yes, I have tried to tell them how I feel and even recently asked my bfather if he would read the book "primal wound". I told him that I felt more like an obligation than a daughter...he said, I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't know if he'll read the book...probably not, things have been the same between us for about 3-4yrs. He comes down to see us for both my kids bday and usually a quick visit before xmas. It's very superficial......
My bmom...I REALLY thought we had turned a corner...we've had some huge obstacles..yet again, I get my hopes up and am sorely dissappointed.
I feel like I need to become "numb" again...just to get through all this...I"m so tired of taking a risk, putting myself out there for them...and getting very little in return. I"m tired of compromising...yet, really I'm unwilling to live without them in my life. It's very confusing....

Dickons, my adoptive family and I have VERY minimal contact. I grew up in an extremely abusive home..emotional and physical. My adopted father was a minister. There is also the added complication of my deceased child...he died from a genetic illness..passed onto him through me, which my bmom passed to me as a carrier. I didn't know..... It's been a LONG road with her. She also had a son that passed away from the illness. Her mom...is unaware, after 16yrs, that we have had contact all this time....that hurts.
Yet, I can understand her fear of telling her mom and dad about me (they knew and were in volved in the adoption)...she is afraid of being judged by her mom, because she didn't tell me about the genetic history..although I was only 18 when I was pregnant. Recently, she said she felt strong enough to deal with 'whatever' her mom dished out at her..but was more afraid of how her mom would take losing her first great grandchild..... that was six months ago...nothing. It's all so complicated..
tlee