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If I had a friend who had done this, I would feel sorry for her with all my heart, but I would ask myself: Why? What in the world happened and made her do it?
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Dear Liliana,
There are as many reasons as there are people involved. I can only speak for myself. My parents had the resources and would have helped me while I finished college. I was not coerced or manipulated into placing. If you read my story (see link) you will see most of my reasons. In my case, there was no need to forgive the father. It was myself I had to deal with and live with. I had to forgive myself for getting pregnant in the first place and I had to forgive myself for placing him. It took a while. My parents helped by continuing to love me unconditionally. (I firmly believe in God's love and forgiveness as well.)
As I stated earlier, none of us is perfect. I believe every person has a deep secret they don't want others to know something that they believe would make others treat them differently. (Unless they're arrogant enough to believe they do nothing wrong.)
I do know that for a long time I put up a wall that basically said, you can come this close but no closer to me. I also told everyone I got close to about D... I never wanted to be a friend under false pretenses.
D and I have talked some. He has come to understand I think, how much I love him. He told me not to long ago, that I'd made the right decision. (I just happened to think... he's currently dealing with 3 children 3 and under. I wonder if that reality has affected his thoughts about his own adoption...I'll have to ask him.)
Try to remember that you did what you believed at the time you had to do. Second guessing doesn't help. Be kind to that young girl who was you. Remember that you are probably a more mature and hopefully wiser person than you were then.