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well, one of the main problems i have with agencies is all the push about how a birthmother is lacking, and the presentation of two paying strangers as somehow able to provide things you never could.
i don't care who you are, you could always find richer, more stable, more beautiful, more giving people to parent your children. if every unplanned pregnancy ended in adoption probably 100 times more of us would be adopted. agency's who know you are considering adoption will always assume you aren't "good" enough and will use the "whats best for the child" party line. ironically, there's been a lot of research and theories in the last 10 years that indicate that adoption is actually as traumatic for the infant as well as the mother, and can lead to attachment disorders later in life. the bottom line is no parent is perfect; in an ideal world birth parents would get as much support preparing to be good parents (and continue with self improvement, like school) as we do in getting talked into giving our children away. any insecurity you have about yourself as a potential parent will be magnified by an agency who stands to benefit monetarily from you adopting your child. unfortunately, it is a cold hard fact of life that these agencies exist and pay their employees by money made from you giving birth and relinquishing, and prospective parents paying THEM for that. for every healthy newborn baby placed there are something like 100 families waiting to adopt...
there are women on this board who have relinquished their children to have "a better life" who upon being reunited with their children have found out their children were abused, neglected, or just raised in an unhealthy manner. i am not one; my daughter's story is fairytale, and still, i really think the way i was pressured into thinking it was impossible for me to be a good parent was really wrong.
having said that, not all agencies are bad -- they can offer you hundreds of prospective adoptive parents to choose from, they can provide support while you are pregnant, etc...but you have to remember, only you know what is best. i personally think every prospective birthmother should have a basic plan for what to do if they change their minds after birth-- you simply cannot predict or explain the difference in being pregnant and in holding your baby in your arms -- that is when you truly need to make a choice. before, you should prepare for all your options, adoption being one of them, if you think that is right for you. i would have definitely changed my mind after birth, but i felt backed in to a corner -- i thought i was the equivalent of Satan if i kept my baby. i personally will never ever ever fully recover from the pain and grief of being separated from my child for 23 years. no matter how happy i am in reunion, i still want my baby back, i still need to love her...and i never will be able to. It was a permanent decision, and a life changing one for all involved.
i think it's really great that you are on the forum, reading and posting. it means that you will be prepared for whatever you find upon meeting with an agency. personally, i would sit back and see what they say; if you feel any of it is familiar to the stories you see here then red flag it, and proceed with caution.
the biggest thing to know is that before you sign papers and go into court, YOU are the one in control. know your rights and ask for what you want. get everything in writing. don't be cowed into thinking anyone is doing you a favor...the pain of relinquishment is often compared to the pain of a mother losing her child to death. there is no favors happening here.
best of luck to you and i will be following your story. keep posting!
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