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My shame
I was manipulated into giving my daughter for adoption when I was in my teens. I am now in the process of reuniting with her, decades later, through a mediator, (I´m in Scandinavia and it is usually done this way) because her adoptive mother has always been strongly against us meeting and bonding.
The adoption was the most awful thing I have ever done in my life and I have regretted it every day of my life. The effect it had on me will stay with me until I die. I think the reason to give up your child must be extreme, like imminent death, terminal illness or severe poverty. This is just my opinion, formed by my experience.
After two failed marriages I built up an academic career and finally felt I was worth something. All my life I have been feeling I´m an egg donor, not worthy to keep my own children. I started seeing a psychologist to help me cope and soon felt confident enough to contact my daughter. I also fostered my four year old cousin, who lost her parents in an accident. It´s been going really well.
Now I am about to meet my daughter and my joy is boundless. The only drawback is that when I have told my friends and some members of my family that I have a daughter I had to give up, soon to be reunited with, they don´t look at me the same way. I can feel they judge me and some even said: "How could you give up your own daughter?" I cannot blame them, because I feel the same. It was the worst thing I could have done and I cannot even justify it myself. I feel like I´m a marked woman in some way.
I need some advice on how to cope. Please help.
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