[Saya]

Originally Posted by finallyamom0310

I am just reading this thread and I felt like interjecting a small thought. We all had to fill out profile paperwork and let our agencies or private avenues know what we were willing to accept in terms of drug use, medical history, etc. Why is it that because a person voices their thoughts on a blog that they are flamed because they also specified race. The start of the adoption process is trying in of itself. We have to put our entire lives out there and make sure that we put all the right information out there. Seems to me that the match was fairly quick for this person, they didn't have much time to think, then when matched determined they just didn't feel comfortable about it. Would they be flamed for backing out because the situation started to become more open or closed than what they were comforatable with? Why is it when they back out because of race it is a problem.

We are adults and although we choose adoption as the means to expand our family isn't the whole thing after the decision is made about the child? If it is about the child, why would you adopt a child that you were not quite right for and knew it? Isn't it best for the child to be in a home where their parents can handle their lives in a manner best for the child?

Just my $.02 worth.

For me, the problem here is not that someone specified race - it's that they did NOT and they SHOULD HAVE.

I don't think it's racist to not want to be a transracial family. I don't have a problem with someone wanting to adopt within own racial group. I think if someone is not prepared to parent a child of different race, well then they shouldn't do it.

The thing in the blog that I fine troubling and irresponsible, is that this person didn't think through these issues when they should have - BEFORE they were ready to be matched.

When you tell your lawyer/agency YES I am prepared to be matched with/be the parent of a child of African-American/Hispanic/Asian/Whatever descent, you are NOT saying "unless a kid that looks like me comes along - then I'll change my mind." That's basically what this blogger did, as far as I can tell. Yes - transracial adoption comes with all the challenges she writes about - being a conspicious family, fearing the responses of other, concerns about racism, etc. etc. She should have thought all of that through before she ever agreed to be shown to an African-American couple. To me, the way she did this seems very disrespectful to the AA potential birth parents she had been matched with, and to their baby - and I hope that child found a good home, whether with his biological parents, or with a-parents who weren't so myopic.