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Everyone can't afford to move. Everyone doesn't want to deal with the 'challenge' of having people ask you all the time if your child is your child. Everyone isn't ok with having a family that might not accept their child.
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But again those are
parental choices. Parenting
THAT child isn't WORTH moving to the potential parent. Parenting THAT child isn't worth the risk of losing family relationships. Parenting THAT child isnt worth the discomfort of being asked if you adopted your child.
The parent is making a decision that the cost TO THE PARENT is too high. THOSE points have NOTHING to do with the well being of the child, although those things do make it easier -- its about the potential parents deciding what cost they personally are willing to pay.
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It has nothing with the value of the child, that's sure. It has to do with making a child happy. And in some cases the parents know that a child of another race would not be as happy... Do you even care about that? I'd think it's less selfish to really care about a child happiness than do something that might make a child unhappy just to seem 'not lazy'.
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Unhappy? Well I guess I disagree that children being parented by transracial parents have to be unhappy -- I am saying its VERY possible for kids to be VERY "happy" with transracial adoptive parents - but that it takes alot of WORK.
By the PARENTS, and yes, a willingness to see the cost to the child and a willingness to do
ANYTHING to mitigate that.
I just think that when parents of any race choose NOT to parent a child of another race (whether thats black & white, or white and Asian, or Asian and black etc etc etc) that the PARENTS be very clear its because THEY aren't willing to do what it takes to make it work. Not that the child is any less deserving, worthy, valuable, precious or beautiful.
Because it CAN work. But it takes WORK. And effort.
Using euphamisms that its "cultural" or "community" or "racism in our area" or "family discomfort" is a bunch of blame shifting (and I dont think this blog poster did ANY of that - she was very clear that she wanted life to be easier for her, and I TOTALLY get that) away from the fact that some potential adoptive parents dont want to make a transracial placement work.
That's ok -- but people should be willing to take it on personally.
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I am not willing to move"
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I am not willing to risk my relationship with my parents"
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I do not know enough about the African American community and am not comfortable reaching out more"
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I have very few friends, and dont know how to make more, with people who are visible minorities".
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I want a child that looks like me so I dont have to answer questions when I go out"
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I dont want strangers to know I adopted my child"
I think a racist decision would be someone saying that they didnt want to adopt a black/biracial child because someone might "think they slept with a black guy" or because "Those people are *** insert whatever term you want"
Deciding not to parent transracially for other reasons is basically because transracial parenting is harder. And some people are NOT up for the work involved.