Okay, if you haven't noticed, I decided to post a little on this thread!
These conversations just draw me in. It's like I'm starved for input and to talk about our stories somewhere. And to support others and all sides in their own unique journeys of OA, all without feeling like I'm going to be taken to task for a choice we have made.
A little background on us...
where I'm from OA is a given. For the most part, it really isn't mediated by the agency or anything. When we decided on open adoption, we just assumed that the other families of our kiddos would want it as much as we did. We were quite naive that way I guess. And I guess I should restate that... they may want it, but at this point for their personal reasons haven't been able to mutually participate in growing the relationships as we would like.
I wish it was easy to define what "kind" of OA we have with our kids' families. One word for DD's would be... rollercoaster. And another... hard work. She has siblings and even though her other mom at times has been disinterested or just working to survive her own struggles, we have been determined to keep up contact for all the kids' sake. We feel like it's better that they know of each other, even know each other now and even though they aren't every day siblings, we're already seeing their importance in the life of DD. She's four. And she cares what happens to her sisters. So we work, mostly through Gma and Gpa as they are a consistent contact for us. I send regular updates of pics/letter every 3 months as well as for special occasions like bdays (theirs and DD's)
With DS's other family, it is more in flux. Up until last week, we were living with the possibility we would not get visits. Then she called to say once again, she didn't want f2f contact and through our convo, it became clear she really wanted to see him, just was fearful (and I was too!) So we decided to try it and we had a fantastic few hours together. DS has a brother so it was easy to start conversations and she and I esp had some much needed convos about DS's health both at birth and now, and her relnship with bdad (which is in flux and not healthy) and our desire for cont'd contact but with some concerns about his involvement at this point based on things she said. It was all really good. So I'm hopeful (like MARCI!!!) about the future.
But I also live guarded sadly, because working on these relationships have caused so much stress and grief at times. I hope but I sometimes just can't. I do the work of it all with love and hope sometime it will be returned. And mostly trust that whatever we do it will help our kids have all they need to fully understand who they are and why adoption was the choice made for them
Okay, I'll shut up now... I could go on and on... blessings to you all!