[Vogi2002]

Okay I will start. I have two very different open adoptions with my kids. One is not what you could consider open at the point, the other is very much open!!

My first child's open adoption has been hard in many ways. The bparents are not as open, didn't have counseling, have show disrespect, and we have had a few safety concerns, which is why we have not had visits in more than a year. I just started sending pictures & updates a few months ago after a year of nothing either (same safety concerns). I am in contact with some birth aunts and cousins via myspace though, and they have all been very nice.

This is the hardest one for me to accept. I mourn my hope for an OA with my oldest son all the time. My dh is more black and white, so he does not *ever* want to continue visits, I hold out hope still. I know we could go there, and my heart wants to thinking maybe we can start up contact again, but my brain *and a few other people including my youngest son's bmom* tells me that it isn't safe, and they need to come here and prove themselves to us first (that they can be respectful, and for safety).

Now...my second son's adoption is FABULOUS. The bmom is so much like me, we could be best friends if we had just met! We talk all the time (at least once a week), I send her videos / pictures on my phone all the time, plus I text her any updates as they happen (like him rolling over on Thurs! YAY!). We try to visit as much as we can, she lives "in town" though that is still a good hour or so away. She is so respectful, and even when she needs a break or is having a hard time, it's just sort of "understood" that she will call me when she is up to it. And she does! Now...my son is still very very little, but I see nothing changes. She is trying to improve her life, even though she is very level headed, it's mostly emotional, and she takes advantage of the counseling our agency offers.

I even find her calling me to talk about things if she needs to and nobody else is available. With the respect she has for my place in my son's life...it's amazing to me that I don't have the extreme guilt as with the first. I just can listen!

So...two very different adoptions. I look forward to sharing with you all!!